Asymmetrical: Mini Drabbles for Roy and Ed
by Destined To Repeat
Summary: A truckload of minidrabbles dedicated to Parental!Roy/Ed: officially complete. “The day that Ed learned about the Flame Alchemist’s little weakness, he stood grinning outside the Colonel’s window for an hour in the rain, just to annoy him."
1. One through five

1) Neither would ever admit it, but there were nights that Roy woke up feeling sick from a dream of sending Ed to the mission that would finally kill him; and Ed woke up thinking that somehow, someone had finally managed to defeat the undefeatable Colonel.

2) When Ed joined the military, he had shouted, insisted, sworn that he was doing this strictly, one-hundred-percent for Al, and he would never ever ever think of his commanding officer as anything more than a means to an end. Half a year later, he was blushing angrily and asking for an allowance.

3) Roy was never particularly keen on the vivid red coat that Ed seemed so attached to. It was much too bright, too distinctive and trademark Fullmetal Alchemist for Roy's liking. It occurred to him that if anybody wanted to track Ed down, it'd be laughably easy: With that completely indiscreet, neon sign of a coat, he was a walking target. But even Roy had to admit that it came in useful sometimes—especially being able to drag Ed back by the hood whenever he tried to stomp away.

4) It was more than just the Colonel's teasing that set Ed off so much; it was the look he gave him, the gaze that cut straight through all his defenses and forced him to spit out all of his secrets. It was the distant but disturbingly certain knowledge that Roy recognized the darker part of him, the side that Ed never dared to show even his little brother.

5) Edward Elric was not good at keeping secrets. If it involved his brother or anything else that he deemed serious to enough to guard with his life, he would do so. But any secret that weighed less than unquestionably essential was quickly disregarded, and any idiot could get it out of him, no problem. Unfortunately for him, Roy Mustang's ambition to use any measures to get Fuhrer was estimated to be Only Slightly Important. There were many times that the Colonel only just stopped Ed in time before he blurted it all to the wrong person and ruined everything. He just hoped that nobody thought it was odd that sometimes in the middle of Edward's sentences, the Colonel would casually slap his hand over the blonde's mouth and drag him away for an impromptu yelling-at.


	2. Six through ten

6) It wasn't even a conversation—whenever they needed a distraction, it was always, _always_ Ed. When the teenager finally complained about it, Roy told him matter-of-factly that it was because Ed was always trying to get noticed anyway to make up for being so short.

7) There were certain people that could make Roy do things he would never do otherwise. Hughes could make Roy laugh out loud, Havoc could get even Roy roped into his schemes, Fuery could make him smother a mean joke, Breda could make him argue like a petulant kid, Riza made him do things he didn't even he want to think about, and Ed was the only one that could get him so irritated that he actually stood up and ran after the brat with his ignition gloves.

8) [Animeverse] Roy didn't want to be in Rizembul. He wanted to get away, get away, get away from the pictures of the Rockbells and the remains of their lives. And especially to get away from their daughter. Somehow, being able to see the Rockbells' daughter while they couldn't made his insides twist unbearably. She looked just like her mother, just like her mother, just like her mother, dead on he ground in a pool of blood with a bullet in her chest that he put there and—  
She turned to him, tears budding in the corners of her eyes and screamed at him that he killed them, he killed them, he killed them, and how do they know that he won't kill Ed too, if Roy's career was on the line?  
He didn't answer, didn't answer, couldn't answer, because somewhere he knew that he had been asking himself the same question.

9) Colonel Mustang had bargained nonstop in order to get the new child prodigy put under his command. It seemed that every time he fought another officer down, another one popped up, demanding that the Elric boy be under him.  
There were no requests like that after the first time Ed barged in to give his report.

10) When Ed woke curled up on the ground next to his mother's gravestone, his thoughts went immediately to the time when she had just died, and he and Al slept in that very spot every night. Al, he remembered, would always be the one to remember to bring something to keep them warm, and Ed would wake up with an old blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Almost instinctively, he turned to see if Al had somehow remembered, and froze when he saw the familiar blue military jacket. Ed did the only thing he could do—he stood and immediately stomped the jacket into the mud.


	3. Eleven through fifteen

11) He never hesitated to push the boy harder and harder because he knew that if he didn't compress that unstable anger into something constructive, it would build up and explode on him. And if Edward genuinely lost his temper, Roy didn't know if he could combat it.

12) At first he had laughed openly at the ridiculous order that Mustang gave him. But then the Colonel had repeated it, even more seriously than before, and the laughter faltered.  
"You have to be joking," he said.  
Mustang (why isn't he smirking why isn't he laughing at me for falling for it why isn't he treating me like a kid) didn't answer. He only repeated it again, as if he himself couldn't believe he was saying it, "I want you to stop looking for the Philosopher's Stone."

13) Nobody but nobody expected it to happen. Whispers were pulsing through East Headquarters, spreading the word that at long last, at the age of sixteen, Edward Elric had _grown up_—he no longer denied his lack of height! And yet, the few individuals who knew the teenager personally were skeptical. That is, until they heard his _new_ rant: "I may be short, but you're _STUPID!"  
_

14) It was unsettling how many people mistook Fullmetal as Roy's kid when they went anywhere together. The Colonel would have avoided being seen with Ed (for fear that his dates would take a downturn) if not for one small fact that made it all worthwhile: They mistook Fullmetal for his _daughter.  
_

15) [Mangaverse] Every time Roy got his undersized subordinate riled up he would find himself watching the boy rant, and feeling faintly relieved that after all this, the fiery eyes he had seen the first time they'd met were still there.


	4. Sixteen through twenty

16) Roy Mustang rues the day that some idiot brought a chalkboard into his office and decided to leave it there. Not only did it make him twitchy from the fact that someone had been in his office when he wasn't, it also inadvertently gave Fullmetal an Ultimate Weapon.  
He would never forget the nearly-crazed grin on the boy's face when he realized that the only sound more painful than fingernails on a chalkboard was _metal_ fingers on a chalkboard.

17) [Animeverse] After so many years of the Colonel sending him off on crazy, nearly suicidal missions, he couldn't believe it when Mustang gave an ardent argument for why Ed should not be sent to Lior. The teenager fumed. How dare the jerk deem him old enough to be killed in some obscure, far-away town by a mad rogue alchemist, but not old enough to be a scout in order to save a city that he had an _obligation_ to _save? _Did he think that being all fatherly and pretending to care about his wellbeing would make Ed roll over like a good little military dog?_  
_"I'm trying to protect you" rang in his ears as he went to Colonel Archer instead, and he told himself that the guiltiness wading in the pit of his stomach had nothing to do with it.

18) Roy was nothing if not inquiring. He needed to know exactly what was going on and who was doing what, because he was a (_control freak_) strategist. He had a natural, _perfectly normal_ need to know everything about everything. If answers evaded him, Roy only pursued them further. And one of those answers was the reason _why in the world_ Edward Elric wore a hooded red coat if he never _used_ the hood. Now, any normal person would, aside from not having the question obsess him for days on end at all, simply ask the person. But not Roy. Instead he waited for the perfect time and tackled the alchemist ("Wha—?" "AHA!"), forcing the hood over the blonde's head. It fell over half of the teenager's face, leaving only his mouth, which was halfway to a furious rant already.  
"Oh," said Roy.  
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE COULD SKATE ON AN ICECUBE??"  
And that was the end of that. The entire staff was deaf for a week, but at least now Roy could concentrate on his—ha ha—paperwork.

19) The day that Ed learned about the Flame Alchemist's little weakness, he stood grinning outside the Colonel's window for an hour in the rain, just to annoy him.

20) The main difference between how Colonel Mustang treats his staff and how he treats Major Edward Elric is that he knows that his staff will take a fall for him, no matter how hard. In exchange, he will take a fall for them. Edward will never let his commanding officer do anything so idiotic for him. In exchange, Roy keeps himself safe.


	5. Twenty one through twenty five

21) It seemed that it wasn't just Roy's instructions that Ed ignored; it was instructions in general. Mustang wasn't quite sure whether to get mad or start laughing as he watched Ed slide gleefully across a stretch of tile right next to a sign that said loudly, "Caution: Wet Floor."

22) It all began when First Lieutenants Hawkeye and Havoc mentioned that maybe the reason that Ed was always so irritated when he came in to give reports was because he felt left out of their close-knit circle. Roy assured them that the kid was just irritated in general, but this didn't seem to fly very well, and so the next time the kid trudged in, the Colonel was forced to ask him what he thought about transferring the office to the other side of the building. Friendly chitchat, Havoc had called it.  
Ed heartily agreed, and suggested that they get one as close as possible to the sprinkler system. Thus was the end of their friendly chitchat.

23) Ed realized that he didn't want Roy to die when they passed each other in the rain one day, and Edward wordlessly and grudgingly tossed the Colonel his umbrella before stomping off, using his book as a shield instead.

24) Apparently Ed thought the Colonel wouldn't notice that he had named the East Headquarters punching bag "Mustang."

25) So maybe Mustang had ordered him to stay in his office and finish his mission report. But he didn't specify _where_ in his office. Ed grinned as he leaned back in his commanding officer's chair, propped his feet up on the fancy mahogany desk, made prank calls through his phone line, and basked in the gloriousness of it all.


	6. Twenty six through thirty

26) He didn't know what genius decided to tell Mustang about the time that Ed was literally lifted off his feet by his umbrella and an unfortunate gust of wind, but he swore that just as soon as Colonel Jerkface _stopped laughing,_ it would be the very last decision he would ever make.

27) [Animeverse] This was not Amestris. It was Germany. This was _not _Amestris. Germany, Germany, Germany, darn it, and Ed had to repeat it over and over so he would maybe one day finally get it and it would stop hurting so much. It was Roy _Brandt_, not Mustang. Brandt, Brandt, Brandt, darn it, but somehow when the officer hugged him like a father would hug his son, he wanted to cry anyway.

28) Roy Mustang sometimes wondered where the _heck _Ed had gotten his volatile personality. Surely he wasn't like that all his life? And then he met their teacher, and everything seemed to fall into place.

29) Along his career, there were many things that Roy Mustang had never really cared to ask about (or wanted to ask about) but had found out anyway. Like Edward's coffee preferences—which he had learned while he sat at his desk (supposedly) doing paperwork, with Ed lounging on top of it, having nicked the sugar from the coffee machine. The blonde had set his coffee down on the desk— Roy probably should have been yelling at him for sitting on it at all—and proceeded to pour eleven sugar packets (but no milk) into it. He stirred the mixture around, sipping it occasionally and adding more sugar as he apparently saw fit. Finally, he leaned back and gave a contented sigh.  
"Would you like some coffee with your sugar?" Roy asked conversationally.  
"Shut up." Ed took a long drag of his disgusting blend of unhealthiness.  
"No actual coffee was harmed in the making of this beverage."  
"Shut up!"

30) People were always going on about how lucky he was, how _honored_ he should be to be under the command of the famous Roy Mustang. Clearly they had never met the guy. Ed could vaguely see where they were coming from, what with his—even Ed had to admit—incredible alchemy and strategy skills but, darn it, it was _hard_ to respect a guy who played keep-away with your reports.


	7. Thirty one through thirty five

31) Ed was sick of always losing to the Colonel. So he challenged said Colonel to an arm-wrestling duel of destiny. The Colonel accepted. The bets flew.

32) It was just one of those things. You go on an undercover mission. You get tossed in a slimy-looking motel. Turns out it's slimier than you thought it was. You get a box of a motel room with only one bed. Roy looked at Ed. Ed looked at Roy. Roy made a running jump for the bed while Ed grabbed the blankets; and so Roy slept uncomfortably on the bed while Ed slept uncomfortably on the floor.

33) "Colonel Freakshow,  
"I haven't made any progress. There's my report. Now, I have some complaints…—blah, blah, blah." Colonel Mustang yawned and threw the report into his burn pile.

34) By the time Fuhrer Mustang had announced his engagement to Riza Hawkeye, it came as a surprise to no one—it had been too obvious for too long. The entire military had been waiting for it, and even Alphonse and Winry had seen it coming. Nobody was surprised in the least.  
Nobody except for Ed, that is.  
"WHAT?" Ed's jaw literally dropped when he found out. "When did—how—what did he—huh??"  
Roy Mustang was wholeheartedly amused as he called the Elric brothers in to give them the wedding invitations, and Ed was so dazed he could only nod in response, and he left the room muttering incredulously, "Mustang and Hawkeye… Hawkeye and Mustang…"

35) He hated that Roy could always tell when he was hiding something from him. He hated it more how he always found himself making it obvious. Instead of yelling and ranting he would fidget, and his speech would suddenly turn formal, and Roy's response would be alarmingly civil, as if anticipating the joy of squeezing something out of Edward. And that's when he knew he was doomed.


	8. Thirty six through forty

36) Roy Mustang met Edward, who was a loud, short-tempered, just-slightly-obsessive brat. And then he met Winry, who was nearly as loud, frighteningly violent, and also a bit obsessive. Roy saw the signs, and he hoped to whatever gods there were that the two of them would never have a child.

37) He couldn't help it: he just _loved_ giving Ed the missions that involved ridiculous costumes. For once, Hughes's penchant for taking pictures came in handy.

38) Edward had a way of apologizing so that it sounded like whatever he did wrong was all Roy's fault in the first place. The only time Ed actually acted the least bit sorry was when his little brother was looking expectantly over his shoulder.

39) Sometimes it was hard to believe that Ed was the older brother. Al was always looking out for him, making sure he ate and slept and generally making sure he didn't get himself killed. It was only when Roy watched Ed offer his own life to Scar in exchange for Al's that he realized how mature Edward really was.

40) If there was one thing that Roy admired in the Elric brothers, it was their unrelenting determination; the ferocity of their resilience-- It was the clang of metal fists banging against each other, the only sound in a silent rally.


	9. Forty one through forty five

41) It scared him when he realized that Lust had been watching him for nearly three years, following him and making sure that their human sacrifice didn't come to harm. He came up with every possible explanation to justify why he hadn't realized, or so much as suspected a thing--But he didn't let himself believe that maybe the reason why he had felt safe all that time, was because Mustang had been watching over him too.

42) [Animeverse] Roy Mustang recognized the change in Edward's eyes when he came back from his latest mission, and he told himself angrily that he couldn't possibly have prevented the boy from having to kill anyone forever.

43) [Mangaverse] Only Fullmetal would make a promise so serious over spare change, he thought as he watched the boy disappear around the corner from his car. He shook his head and couldn't help but think that if he was in this mess with anyone, he was glad that it was Edward. _Really, he's such a kid…._

44) It looked like he was asleep. His eyes were closed, his dark hair floating in the red-tinged water. Ed knew the idiot had to be asleep because he couldn't die because Ed still needed him because he was the _Flame Alchemist_ darnit because he hadn't wanted any more sacrifices and then Mustang had to go and save him anyway and Ed wouldn't cry because he didn't care he didn't care he didn't care—  
Clapping his hands, Ed dried the soaked ignition gloves just a few minutes too late and cried and cried and cried.

45) "Vullmetal?" he asked innocently from under his very large, very fake moustache. "I am zo very zorry, I don't know an Vullmetal Edvard…"  
Mustang wasn't buying it.


	10. Forty six through fifty

Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery had to wonder why Ed and the Colonel were sitting in chairs, back-to-back, arms crossed, and resolutely facing opposite directions. Mustang informed them loftily that it was none of their concern, and Fullmetal was just an idiot and now they weren't speaking to each other, and it was just a _small_ matter, so small in fact that you could hardly see i—  
All of them agreed that it was the loudest silent treatment any of them had ever heard.

"Doesn't your hair get in the way when it's so long like that? Why don't you just cut it?" Roy asked one day.  
"My mother liked it this way," Ed glared back, his voice dripping with dislike. Roy blinked.  
And that was the end of that conversation.

It surprised Colonel Mustang when he heard some higher-ups talking about the Fullmetal Alchemist like he was a broken toaster. Sure, he knew that, technically, Alphonse was a soul in a tin can, and Edward was only half-flesh, half-metal. But even with seeing the boys directly after the human transmutation, Roy had never really considered them broken.

After the Scar incident, Ed had been faced with a very unique problem: he couldn't braid his hair with only one hand. Fortunately, Armstrong, ever-helpful, volunteered to do it, and it turned out that he was really very talented in the art of hair-braiding which had, apparently, been passed down in the Armstrong family for generations. _Unfortunately,_ it turned out that he enjoyed playing with Ed's hair a bit too much. The blonde narrowed his eyes in confusion, wondering why everyone in the office kept biting down laughs. Mustang was close to tears.  
He left with his hair in two high pigtails, still confused.

Ed munched absently on his sandwich, watching Colonel Mustang run madly around his office, muttering to himself and trying to get everything under control before he went for his one-on-one meeting with the Fuhrer.  
Lieutenant Ross, who happened to be unfortunate enough to be present, asked cautiously, "Is it just me, or does the Colonel seem like he's—"  
"Orange?" suggested Havoc.  
"Generous?" said Breda.  
"Contagious?" Ed offered.  
"Stylish?" said Falman.  
"Smashed?" said Fuery.  
"Procrastinating?" said Riza from behind them, and everyone jumped and dove for their paperwork. Soon the only sound in the office was the noise of pens scratching paper and the occasional frustrated "aagh!" from Mustang's office.  
"I was going to say 'unsettled'…" Ross muttered.


	11. Fifty one through fifty five

51) "But they depend on us," Ed insisted, more sincere than Colonel Mustang had heard him in a while. "They depend on the military to keep them safe."  
"That doesn't mean you can go into a rage every time there's a kidnapping or a terrorist attack and barge in to save them on your own with some half-formed pandemonium of a plan."  
"But they _depend on us!"_ he repeated heatedly. "If the military won't do anything, it's my duty to—"  
"You can't save everyone, Fullmetal."  
"But—"  
"People die every day. You're a fool if you think you can save every one of them."  
"Of course I don't—"  
"That will be all, Fullmetal."  
_"But—"_  
"I said,"—Mustang looked at him, and Edward knew that the conversation was over— "that will be all."  
"They depend on us," he muttered, but didn't argue. Roy watched him leave the office and let out a sigh, wondering if the boy would actually listen to him this time.

52) "Sit," said Riza, her voice deadly.  
Both alchemists turned to stare at her.  
"But he—" they stammered, pointing weakly to the other.  
"I said, _sit!"_  
They sat.

53) "Can't sleep?"  
The boy jumped, spinning around to face the other person in the dark room. He relaxed as he recognized the man, and said grumpily, "What's it to you?"  
The colonel shrugged and turned back to his desk. "No, nothing… Better you than Lieutenant Hawkeye stopping by to give me more paperwork…." Looking more closely at the boy, he didn't look too well. There were dark circles under his eyes, as if he had been doing this for many nights in a row.  
To his surprise, the blonde glanced curiously over his shoulder. "Oh, is that what you're doing?"  
"Oh, yes, it's ever so thrilling."  
"Do tell," the teenager murmured.  
"For instance, here's a form for new pipes in the southern training section, apparently the two-inches-by three-and-a-quarter ones aren't good enough and now they _absolutely must have_ the two-inches-by-three-inches-and-three-fifths ones…."  
"Hmm," said the boy drowsily.  
"Ahh, yes, and here's one petitioning for recyclable trays in the mess hall, absolutely fascinating…."  
The blonde was slumped in his chair, fast asleep within minutes. The colonel smiled and continued his paperwork in silence.

54) [Animeverse] There was something in his head telling him to burn Fullmetal's—no, _Edward's_ image into his mind while he could, because something important was happening here. The teenager was holding himself differently, speaking differently, even looking differently, although his appearance hadn't changed. Ed, the loud, clumsy little boy with a height complex, had grown into a fathomless well of strength and audacity, and Roy found himself marveling at the kid—no, he couldn't even call him a kid anymore. At sixteen, he had grown into a full-blown adult, ready to face three homunculi by himself and rescue his little brother, no matter what it took.  
"Goodbye."  
"…Goodbye."  
Ed was about to give him a salute, but instead Roy put out his hand. The blonde stared at him, comprehension slowly dawning. They were equals now, and Ed put his hand out too—and slapped Roy's away.  
The Fullmetal Alchemist glanced up at him, a smirk that looked a lot like Roy's curling his mouth.  
And Roy had never been so_ proud_ of anyone in his life.  
"What?" Ed asked, noticing the Brigadier-General's expression.  
_("I'm proud of you.")_  
But Roy just shook his head and smiled. "It can wait until you come back."  
And then he watched the son he never had walk out of his life forever.

55)


End file.
